A Plot Summary (Or Lack Thereof) of The Hills: New Beginnings

I can’t believe next week is the last episode of The Hills: New Beginnings. I’m really quite sad about this…not as sad as when Bethenny announced she was leaving RHONY, but it’s up there.

This has DEFINITELY been a Summer of The Hills for me – I binged watched the entire series back in May, took two trips to LA (filled with me randomly playing and singing ‘Unwritten’ AND seeing the former Hillside Villas now Villas at Park LaBrea Apartments where Heidi and LC called home), and of course, faithfully watching The Hills: New Beginnings.

I didn’t really know what to expect from this season…and the show delivered just that because honestly…I can’t even tell you what’s going on.

Bear with me here…we started off with Audrina fresh out of a marriage, looking to restart life as a Single Mom in LA, and literally EVERRRYYYYONEEEEE collectively cheered when Justin Bobby (who can wear combat boots to the beach with me anytime), asked her for dinner. Finally, America thought we were getting the Audrina/Justin Bobby relationship we deserved, the one we’ve been waiting 10 years for.

But, just like the Election of 2016, we were greatly let down as a country. What seemed like a show about a beautiful rekindling romance between departed lovers, turned into a show that centered around whether or not Stephanie Pratt (now with added British accent) and Justin Bobby are hooking up. If you seemed like you’re lost, you’re not alone. The whole Justin and Stephanie friendship (?) happened so quickly, you could have missed when you were adding a Pratt Daddy crystal to your online shopping cart.

Audrina got rightfully upset about this, since Justin Bobby was being literally every man ever and leading her on only to let her down, and now they’re not friends anymore. Justin, in the words of Tyra, “We were rooting for you. We were ALL rooting for you.”

This “feud” lives on for a few more episodes, but we’re treated to some other “plot lines”:

  • Mischa Barton’s attempt at a redemption story, which is 5 minutes of her yelling at Perez Hilton and then him storming off. She’s kind of like the girl in Mean Girls who wishes everyone could get along like they did in middle school, but she doesn’t actually “even go here.”
  • Brandon Thomas Lee. The evolved f**kboy as I call him, because he’s so mature in every single aspect of his life EXCEPT RELATIONSHIPS. We see him meet, date, and become ‘exclusive’ with this Insta girl Ashley, BUT, according to Brandon, she’s not his girlfriend. Would I still date him? Probably Definitely.
  • Brody looks like a dog who is getting dragged to the vet on every single episode. It could not be any clearer that he just doesn’t want to be there. It’s funny because he probably has the most interesting story of the entire cast now (if you’re living under a rock…his “wife” Kaitlyn, who wasn’t even really his wife, is now dating Miley Cyrus) and we saw NONE of it on TV. As if disappointing America wasn’t enough the first time you did it when they rolled away the backdrop of the Hollywood Sign on the series finale of The Hills, confirming the show was FAKE, (even though we all knew that but were happily denying it), you had to go do it again.
  • Heidi and Spencer are renewing their vows. Heidi is trying to record a song. Spencer is mad at Brody. Spencer and Heidi are mad at Steph, but look to be reconciling (I’m mad this wasn’t the focal point of the show). Basically NOTHING has changed since 2009 for them. Oh yeah, they had a kid.
  • A BRIEF mention of Jason Wahler’s struggle with alcoholism, and his relapse and how it affected his family. What COULD HAVE and SHOULD HAVE been a major major story and educational moment for the show got completely rushed.
  • Frankie and his wife cooked dinner for everyone once.

This season is as messy as when Audrina caught Justin Bobby kissing a random red head at Opera, but honestly I’m here for it. And I’ll be watching Season 2.

The Season Finale of The Hills: New Beginnings airs on Monday, September 9th at 9 pm on MTV.

Until then “THE REST IS STILL UNWRITTENNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.”

 

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